Thursday, October 19, 2006

Is Remarriage Biblical?

Remarriage can be a controversial subject in the church with views ranging from no remarriage while the former spouse lives to remarriage not being an issue at all. This past Sunday, we looked at Mark 10 and 1 Corinthians 7 and talked about remarriage. Here is where I stand.

1 Corinthians 7.8-40 is divided up into 4 groups: unmarried and widows, Christian marriages, missed marriages (a Christian to a non Christian) and virgins. This becomes very important to understanding the text.

Unmarried and widows: Paul teaches us that it is better not to marry (this will be explained in more detail in verses 25-40) but if they are unable to control themselves, they ought to marry. The question is who are the unmarried Paul is referring to in these verses? I hold while they may include virgins (never married), it must also include those who have once before been married. Paul deals specifically with virgins later in verses 25-40. So, the other category of unmarried would have to include those who were previously married. Those virgins, previously married and widows have allowance of remarriage. As well, unmarried is a broad term that would include those previously married.

Christian marriages (verses 10-11): Paul says if two Christians are married, they must remain married. If trouble enters the marriage and one wants a divorce, there are two options: reconciliation or separation with no possibility of remarriage. In other words, if two Christians are married - you have all the tools you need in Christ and by the power of the Holy Spirit to work out your marriage and reconcile. If you cannot reconcile, you cannot remarry. Therefore, the Christian is not able to say This marriage is not working out - I will go and marry that person. Marriage is for life with no possibility of remarriage if separated as long as the other former spouse lives.

Mixed marriages (a believer who is married to an unbeliever (presumably saved after marriage took place and the spouse remains unsaved) (verses 12-16): Paul tells the believer that if the unbeliever wants to remain married, do not divorce - stay in the marriage. That, I believe, is the essential meaning of the difficult verse 14 - do not leave your spouse because your relationship and your children are holy - they are set apart by God.

However, if your spouse leaves, do not stop him. Notice in these verses, Paul says that they are no longer bound and Paul nowhere gives the command that they are not allowed to remarry. The command not to remarry is made to two believers, not a believer who is married to an unbeliever who will leave. The Christian in this relationship, no longer bound to the unbeliever, is then free to remarry (verses 8-9).

Virgins (verses 25-40): what does Paul say to virgins? He says many things but two that I want to point out: 1. Paul says that a Christian virgin must marry another Christian (verse 39) and 2. when they get married, they are bound as long as he lives. In other words, we fall under the same category as 2 Christians getting married - there is no room for remarriage - they are bound for as long as they live. And if they do marry another, they commit adultery (see Jesus' words in Mark 10). So, the command not to remarry in the context of 1 Corinthians 7 falls under the specific headings of Christian marriages and two Christians virgins who will marry. It is here Paul speaks of the two commanded not to remarry.

(Incidentally, Paul's words not I but the Lord (verse 10) and I, not the Lord (verse 12) become important. Paul is not saying that his words are less important. He is saying that the Lord dealt with 2 Christians being married when he walked on the earth (the commit adultery if they remarry another) but he did not deal specifically with a Christian who is married to a non Christian.)

So, as a pastor, would I remarry a couple? I would not remarry a man(or woman) who is a Christian and has divorced his Christian wife. He must reconcile with his wife or remain unmarried. I would remarry a Christian who was married to a non Christian and the non Christian left her. If she found another Christian man, she is free to remarry as she is no longer bound to her non Christian husband. And when I do premarital counseling, I would emphasize to the two being married - they must both be Christian and when they do get married, they are bound for life.

Understanding that these are broad categories, we will need Biblical wisdom and love to deal with the specifics of relationships.

47 comments:

Keith said...

Thought provoking David. Having conducted my fair share of weddings and counseled a variety of couples facing challenges I have grappled with some of the same issues.
One particular couple I know whose commitment was tenuous at best were convicted deeply by God when they read of God's hatred of divorce in Malachi. Though the ensuing recommitment was not easy, they stand together today as a remarkable testimony of God's grace.

Rabbie said...

I have a question: My Christian wife asked for a divorce and she was seeing a man while we were separated. I then fell away from the Lord and during that time, I married a non-beleiver. I have now returned to the Lord but my second wife is thinking of divorce. HWere do I stand biblically?

David Robinson said...

Hello Rabbi - sorry to hear about your circumstances. These types of questions are difficult because there is so much more to them than just a simple question. Relationships are complicated. But in light of your question and the brief information you have shared - the believer is to stay with the unbeliever so long as she desires. I also think, as difficult as it may be, you do as much as you can to be a Godly, loving husband living quietly for the Lord to win her affections to first Jesus and then you. David

David Robinson said...

Rabbie - I just noticed I spelled your name wrong - sorry

David

Becky said...

David,

I am a Christian who was has been married twice and divorced twice.
I was not a Cristian during my first marriage nor was the man I married. The divorce happened on the grounds of Adultery on my part.
I met and Married my second Husband and he believes he is a saved Christian. During the marriage I came to christ. Unfortunatley due to my sinfulness I fell away from the Lord two years into my Faith. I committed adultery again. The second divorce then took place. I returned to the Lord nine months after I walked away and have devoted my life to him eversince July 2004. I am currently standing for the retoration of my second marriage. The reason I stand for the second and not the first is based on a couple things 1st a passage in deutoronomy that says if a man divorces his wife and she marries another then he cannot remarry her and the fact that neither of us were Christians when we married. I stand for the second marriage because although I started as an unbeliever I became a believer and all though I sinned I have repented and been forgiven in God's eyes. I feel strongly lead by God to stand for this marriage to be restored. I just want to make sure that I am not following my own will in standing for the second marriage and that I have not misinteperted the passages based on my own want and desires. Also if my interpertation is correct even though there was adultry neither my second Husband nor I have biblical grounds to remarry others. We must remain single or be reconciled.

Anonymous said...

Hi.
my name is wm tipton. I go by the name 'foc' on a lot of forums and websites and have spent the last few years studying the marriage covenant from scriptures.
I have to say I was pleasantly surprised by the accuracy in the writing here about the differences between a CHRISTIAN couple (obviously a TRUE christian couple) and the unequally yoked.

I debate this topic pretty much on a daily basis and so few actually see 'BUT TO THE REST" as a clear distinction between the believing couple in 1 cor 7:10-11 and then the unequally yoked couple starting in verse 7:12.

Where we would surely part ways is that I do not believe that remarriage is forbidden simply because an ex spouse calls themselves a christian.

I was married twice before to women who claimed to be christians, but understand that my first wife literally tried to pick up younger men AT church when we went....she was not a true christian by any standard of the word and was constantly committing adultery the entire time we were married.
She did label herself as a christian, but in no way ever presented even the first fruits of the faith.
Another example would be a male friend of mine who for decades has deemed himself a 'christian' but not once in the time Ive known him has he presented even the first evidence that he is a follower of Jesus Christ.
When he was left destitute after a family member died, myself and many of his guy friends banded together to help him in every possible way we could. I spent months trying to find him housing and even had him stay at my house temporarily.
During this time he took it upon himself to actually try to get my wife to have sex with him.
I also found that he did end up messing around sexually with the wife of one of his oldest friends who was donating a lot of time and money to repair the roof of his mothers house so it could be sold.
The friends on the roof working on his own time and paying for the materials while ken was downstairs working out a bargain for some silver quarters as payment for sex from this mans wife.

So, I dont personally buy the idea that when someone claims to be christian that they necessarily are.

My point is this.
If I were asked if I would marry a couple where one was previously married and the ex spouse claimed to be a christian...or was even attending some church somewhere. I couldnt just say 'no, sorry, cant do it'...Id have to spend a little time seeing if this person was actually showing fruits of christianity.

Did they cheat in an ongoing manner? Did they abuse the spouse?

I just dont think we should sit back and not look into the details where these things are involved because a great number of people in the world call themselves 'christian' who are so far from being christian that they may as well call themselves 'agnostic' instead...or even 'atheist'.

In general tho, I would definitely say your article was very good.

What is your stance on those already remarried?
Do you believe in tearing apart existing marriages where the former situation did not permit remarraige?

Anonymous said...

Please help! - I am a 5 y/o divorced woman, who after 14 yrs of being divorced and celebate am now considering remarrying - I don't and have not dated.I have raised my two sons 23 and 17 . with the later one getting ready to leave home w/in the next 2 yrs- I have not dated. and decided in the spring of this year to consider remarrying. My ex husband asked for the divorce, he was both verbally and physically abusive,- a have searched the scriptures and have always believed that as long as he was alive I could not remarry- I was his second wife - he has since remaried- this was my first time marrying at age 35 yrs; since I started thinking about remarrying I have beome very lonely at times ; whereas I have never been lonely before- maybe I was in denial. In god's eyes was my marriage to recognized? and am I free to remarry-?

David Robinson said...

Dear Anonymous Dec 31st

Wow - that you would be burdened on New Years Night. Here is my quick answer and I would more than welcome you to email me at gbccambridge@bellnet.ca if you would like to carry on the conversation in further detail. As Wm Tipton wrote above - not everyone who calls themselves a Christian is a Christian - a Christian shows themselves by their fruit. Your marriage recognized by God but the unbeliever left which then allows you to remarry. That is the quick answer - and I pray that God sends you a Godly man who will love you, encourage you and give you the joy of a happy, blessed marriage. - Pastor David Robinson -

Anonymous said...

I am lost and need help. I have currently been in a struggling marriage for nearly 12 years now. I lost my faith in god a long time ago and have been trying to get back into the lord's light over the past few years. I have not officially in front of the church asked for my salvation but have in my heart and my prayers to the lord.

I am currently in a probably not an uncommon situation. My husband was away to the county of Qatar for 30 days in Nov/Dec of 07. No he was not in a battle zone, he worked in an office on computers. He sent me an email with appx 20ish question in it about our relationship, and my red flags went up. He came home on the 16th of Dec and he was acting very strange. He did not go with my girls and I to his mothers house for the holidays, he stayed home hopefully by himself. Jan 2 he told me he was moving out on the that sat. He moved out and now I am lost. I got married to be married till death. If i mention anything about being together he says I am pushing him. He stated to me that he needs space cause he doesnt know what he wants, Iin the meantime our twins and I are trying to push through life and he is out most weekends (according to ATM records) hanging out with others. I believe my heart tells me that I need to hang on and the lord will guide me. I have prayed and prayed but I am just to unsure of what is the lords way. I will admit that I have been ungodly in may ways and have contributed my fair share to the current situation. Somedays I feel like it is over and no hope and others I just keeping hanging in. I have noticed I am getting more angry and suspious (sp) of his activities as time goes by. I know this is not right, and find myself to continiously have to ask good for forgiveness. I am not wanting another man I just need advice to give me some light at the end of the tunnel, despite which direction the tunnel is going.

carealot said...

I am lost and need help. I have currently been in a struggling marriage for nearly 12 years now. I lost my faith in god a long time ago and have been trying to get back into the lord's light over the past few years. I have not officially in front of the church asked for my salvation but have in my heart and my prayers to the lord.

I am currently in a probably not an uncommon situation. My husband was away to the county of Qatar for 30 days in Nov/Dec of 07. No he was not in a battle zone, he worked in an office on computers. He sent me an email with appx 20ish question in it about our relationship, and my red flags went up. He came home on the 16th of Dec and he was acting very strange. He did not go with my girls and I to his mothers house for the holidays, he stayed home hopefully by himself. Jan 2 he told me he was moving out on the that sat. He moved out and now I am lost. I got married to be married till death. If i mention anything about being together he says I am pushing him. He stated to me that he needs space cause he doesnt know what he wants, Iin the meantime our twins and I are trying to push through life and he is out most weekends (according to ATM records) hanging out with others. I believe my heart tells me that I need to hang on and the lord will guide me. I have prayed and prayed but I am just to unsure of what is the lords way. I will admit that I have been ungodly in may ways and have contributed my fair share to the current situation. Somedays I feel like it is over and no hope and others I just keeping hanging in. I have noticed I am getting more angry and suspious (sp) of his activities as time goes by. I know this is not right, and find myself to continiously have to ask good for forgiveness. I am not wanting another man I just need advice to give me some light at the end of the tunnel, despite which direction the tunnel is going.

David Robinson said...

Hello Carealot,

I am sorry to hear about your situation. I would encourage you to email me at the church and I would be able to respond more fully. One of the things I would strongly encourage is for you to go to a Bible Believing Christian church and seek support and fellowship during this time - it is a way God encourages His people! But pleace know you are welcome to email me directly and I would be happy to speak with you. I pray God will bring His comfort and peace. David

Manuel said...

Greetings ,

I have situation in my family where a christian divorcee want to marry a Christian unmarried woman is this allowed in christian life.
Give us the suggestions and Help us with the biblical meaning of remarriage.

Anonymous said...

Manuel,

I would encourage you to read God's Word for yourself. Jesus addressed UNBELIEVERS (the Pharisees) AND believers (His disciples) when teaching them about marriage, and notice one thing that is VERY different from what many churches today: Jesus didn't teach them DIFFERENT standards. In other words, marriage is for LIFE FOR ALL who marry for the first time.

In regards to your specific question Jesus said, "whosoever marries one that is divorced commits adultery"..........so the persons you are speaking of will commit adultery---in the Lord's sight-- if they marry each other. Why? Because it is obvious from the scriptures that Jesus did not dissolve the previous union He joined together, so them marrying would be them entering into an adulerous relationship---not a lawful marriage, joined by God. Do not follow the many churches who have gone away from the Lord's commands in their marital practices, but fill yourself with His Word and then you will understand and be able to counsel in accordance with the Lord's heart. Many are not doing so in this day and are leading others to become entangled in adultery. Blessings.......

David Robinson said...

Thank you for the question Manuel. I would like to answer your question (and unlike the person who responded and said "... it is obvious")there is a lot of wisdom that is needed to apply Scripture. That wisdom would come from knowing more of the circumstances of the divorce, etc and from knowing more of the details of what are taking place right now.

What I blogged was a general outline of my broad thoughts on the issue and these are my guideposts when I discuss this with people.

You are free to email me - otherwise I would say that probably the best place to go is your own pastor and dicuss this matter with him. Sorry - I wish I could be more help.

Pastor David Robinson

David Robinson said...

Dear Anonymous who addressed Manuel,

Thank you for your comment - although I do wish you would leave you name so if you wanted to discuss further we could.

A few quick comments. You did not interact with 1 Corinthians 7 at all nor did you deal with Paul's words "not I but the Lord" and "I, not the Lord". I would be interested in hearing what you have to say about those statements.

Second I think you misunderstand when you speak about different standards. It is obvious that Jesus can speak at times to believers, unbelievers or both at the same time which can determine the fall out from failed marriges.

Third and finally, I am very concerned about the position you hold because I believe it unnecessarily burdens those with failed marriages. Sure, it is simple conclusion but I do think because of Jesus' teaching and 1 Corinthians that there are Biblical guidelines that need to be applied wisely.

Pastor David Robinson

Cindy said...

Hello David,

Sorry, I did not post earlier, but I have been very busy.

As to I Cor. 7, Paul was dealing with how professed believers are to deal with marital problems should they arise (I Cor. 7:10-12). It is clear that in some cases, there may not be restoration/reconciliation (between believers), and for such situations, those involved are told to remain UNMARRIED. In other words,they are prohibited from entering into another marriage. This is a very different thing than what we are seeing being done in many churches today---where they will label a professed believer an unbeliever, then permit the "offended" one to marry again, in disobedience to the command of the Lord to remain unmarried.


As we both know, To remain unmarried or be reconciled to the one God joined them to is a command of the Lord. Where do we see the Lord deal with BELIEVERS in the gospel teachings on marriage? He does not. What He does do is deal with ALL marriages, with no different directions for believers and unbelievers. To believe that Paul was giving DIFFERENT directions to believer/unbeliever marriages does not fit the whole of scripture. What we know is that Jesus spoke both to UNBELIEVERS and believers, and He did not tell one group one thing and another group something else. The unsaved Pharisee was held to the same standard as His disciples. Because Jesus did not address the complications of believer/unbeliever marriages(due to one's faith in Christ) is why Paul felt he must address it. The thing is that Paul NEVER gives permission for the forsaken believer to marry again. He just got done saying that the believer's spouse was sanctified due to their faith. It is implausible to then believe that all of a sudden, after what Jesus taught on the permanent nature of marriage and what Paul taught on the permanent nature of marriage (Rom. 7:2-3, I Cor. 7:39), that all of a sudden there is a subset of marriages that do not "fit" what he and Jesus both taught.

Finally, Do you think it an undue burden to teach fidelity for the one who is in a marriage where "intimacy" cannot happen? Should such a person have to remain faithful and carry such a "burden"? You see, I know MANY divorced persons who DO believe God joined their marriages for LIFE. Can you give them scripture that proves beyond a doubt that once divorced and or/remarried, their spouse no longer belongs to them, but belongs to the one Jesus says they are committing adultery with? Do you know there are THOUSANDS of believers who are standing faithful to their vows and to the Lord who bought them? Do you also know that no pastor can rightly tell them when they pray for the restoration of their family, that they are coveting another person's spouse?

This divorce/remarriage thing has become such a mess most pastors won't touch it. When confronted with hard questions, they retreat and resort to emotional reasonings to support those who Jesus says are in sin------to the forsaking of those who are standing faithful. I truly would like you to explain your stance on remarriage to the saint who is honoring their vows before the Lord, though their spouse is not and has entered into adultery. I would truly like to see where we find in scripture where a new set of vows supercedes/nullifies the union God joined together, because I don't see it in the NT (Herod/Herodias) and I don't see it in the OT (David/Michal, Hosea/Gomer, priests/covenant wife of Mal. 2)............

I thank you for addressing these issues. Blessings in Jesus, Cindy

Anonymous said...

Hello,

My Christian marriage ended in divorce a year and a half ago. We did not speak until recently and she apologized for initiating the divorce. I suspected that she was unfaihful to me and that I was free to remarry. However, she states that she has remained faithful and that since she left me, she has rededicated her life to the Lord. We now have the desire to reconcile.

We are questioning the validity of the divorce knowing that it was not scriptural so my question is, is it necessary for us to re-marry? Can a divorce be annulled somehow?

Thanks in advance and may God bless you.

David in Texas

Pastor David said...

Dear David in Texas

Thank the Lord for the reconciliation that has taken place in your relationship. The Lord has been tremendously kind - Praise Him. My initial thought is if you had a legal divorce - then probably by law you need to remarry. I also think that you should have a marriage ceremony as it would be a tremendous testimony to God's grace in your lives. Rededicate yourselves to one another but make it an event in which everyone knows what God has done. Something tremendous has happened - what a time to testify of His goodness and greatness and grace. Invite as many unsaved as possible and share with them God's grace - freely received inthe marraige ceremony and freely offered to all.

I praise God for His kindness. I trust it will be a celebration of grace as your lives are knit together once again.

God's blessings

TruthSeeker said...

Hi David.
I have a question for you in which I would love your opinion. My soon to be mother in law is in a state of complete dismay. She has been divorced for about eight years now and its completely complicated, but God told her and her then husband (who is my boyfriend’s dad) that they were supposed to be married. So they did marry, but the cares of this world came in and tore their marriage apart. Linda, my boyfriends mom, then ended up getting ticked off at God for allowing all the bad things in their marriage to happen, after He told her to marry him, and so they divorced and she turned away from God and remarried. She had the mentality of this, "God, you told me who you wanted me with and it brought all types of sadness into my life. So this time I'm going to pick out the person myself!" So anyways she did and married Tim. Tim though was not a Christian and ended up being a pedifile and a stalker. After eight years Linda got out of the marriage and turned back to God.

She is now back on track with God and doing great. God has healed her. And during all of this her first husband Chris, remarried as well to a sincere devout Christian.

Anyways though, like i said, Linda is right with God now, but she has recently has been struggling. She really does want to marry again, but is not quite sure what is right. She is a very loving woman and is desiring the companionship of marriage. Chris and Linda have 2 boys together ages 19 and 20 and Linda is wondering if she is supposed to be reconciled to Chris in order to bring complete restoration to her family.

She talked to Chris before and asked him if God told him to marry Jaclyn, his new wife, and he said no.

So, I guess my question is this: Is it biblical to tear apart an existing marriage in order to restore an old marriage in which the couple was never permitted to divorce in the first place?

ALSO:
Linda is struggling because if she can't be reconciled with Chris, she believes that she must stay unmarried. However all the translations I've checked say that you must stay unmarried only if you leave, depart, or separate yourself from your spouse. It doesn't say if you divorce. So my take on that scripture in 1 cor. 7:10, is that Paul is addressing those who have SEPARATED, not those who have OFFICIALLY divorced. Because if you divorce don't you break the vows you made not only to each other but to God too?

What is your take on remarriage for Linda? Because Chris remarried is she justified to do so also?

This is a VERY complicated situation, and there is A LOT of things to take into context.

I really would appreciate your thoughts and hope you'll take the time to address all of the details.

Please, please, PLEASE get back to me ASAP. I'm really going crazy here. I just want to see Linda have some peace!

Thank you SO much and God bless.

David Robinson said...

Hello TruthSeeker,

I will try to answer your email honestly - but please understand I have limited knowledge and would need to ask more questions. I would encourage you to talk with your pastor about this as he probably has more insight in this matter than do I.

1. It is unbiblical to tear a marriage apart - Chris should stay married to Jacyln. While Linda and Chris should not have divorced, they have and Chris has remarried. (1 Corinthians 7.20)

2. I think that your distinction between SEPARATED and OFFICIALLY DIVORCED is too forced. Separated is equivalent to divorce.

3. Should Linda divorce? Again, as you mention it is very complicated and there are ALOT of things to take into context (as you mention) and ALOT of context that I do not know. From what I read in your note, I would question whether or not Linda was a Christian at the time when she married Chris. It does not sound like either of them where Christians at the time and she was converted after she left Tim. If that is the case, then she should feel free to remarry.

Please feel free to respond or ask further questions - would love to continue to discussion.

Pastor David Robinson

More Christ Like said...

Leslie McFall has an interesting way to deal with the so-called exception clause in Matthew 19:9 that some hold allows for divorce and remarriage in the case of marriage unfaithfulness.

He has written a 43 page paper that reviews the changes in the Greek made by Erasmus that effect the way Matthew 19:9 has been translated. I reviewed McFall's paper at Except For Fornication Clause of Matthew 19:9. I would love to hear some feedback on this position.

I also have list of good conservative articles on the subject of Divorce and Remarriage.

Lisa said...

I have always believed that divorce and remarriage is unbiblical. But recently I was thinking about Ester in the Bible. It says that God raised her up for such a time as this to save her people. God ordained that she marry a non-christian that was previously divorced! From this I believe that God deals with each of us individually and what may be wrong for one situation may not be wrong in another. Thoughts on this?

Anonymous said...

As an 11yr old I was baptized and began my walk with the Lord. As many youth do I did it more so to please my parents. As a teen, I slipped into a life of peer preasure and expiermentation with alcohol, marijuana and seeking the sexual pleasures of women. I later got married due to lust and the pregnancy of a college acquaintance. If I said that I felt that the marriage was the will of God, i'd be lying. I was no more a Christian than I was an astronuat and niether was my then wife. I knew who JESUS was but my relationship with Him was not personal and basically non~existant. Needless to say the marriage hit the Rocks as we both led sinful lives outside of our marriage. The immaturity esculated to disagreements, disrespect, domestic violence, seperation and finally divorce. Not long after I met and fell. In love with my present wife of 14 1/2 years. Months into the relationship I earnestly gave my life to Christ on 6/8/96 a week later my wife of 3mos. Followed suit. We have since endored the highs and lows that come with marriage...but it is only because of our faith in Christ that we have been able to continue on in this union. He has blessed us to no end. Though some in outter circles have stated that our marriage is not honored by God due to my divorce of my 1st wife. Tears have been shed and fingers and acqusations of adultry have been tossed our way by certain so called leaders of religious forums. Due to my non Christian status and my 1st wife being a non~believer....will I be held accountable for the sin committed in marrying without the foundation of a Christ led life. Am I endangering the salvation of my beloved wife? We have brought togethet a blended family of 4 and through Gods blessings added 3 more beautiful God fearing/loving children that we believe to our very core was the work of God through his Grace and Mercy. Your Views on what I've shared would be greatly appreciated.
Mr.Shawn T. Miller

David Robinson said...

Dear Mr Shawn T Miller,

Thank you for yoru very honest email. I am so thankful to hear of GOd's amazing grace in salvation for both you and your wife and also for 14 years of marriage - He is a faithful and awesome God who keeps His people.

In terms of your question I think the ultimate answer is not in the issue of marriage or remarriage but in justification. We do not stand in a right relationship with God because we have never divorced - we stand before Him forgiven because of the finished work of Jesus. We have a right standing with god, declared as if we are righteous in His presence.

So no, you are not endangering your wife because she is found in Jesus - forgiven. Your sins have been forgiven - praise God! (and by the way, why would you as a non-Christian even want to marry a Christian in your first marriage?)

When the fingers begin to point (even the fingers of our own heart), we must point that finger to the cross and know there is complete forgiveness. I suggest Ecclesiastes 9.9 - Jesus has given you a precious gift for your to enjoy and love.

May God bless

Anonymous said...

I am so torn. I was married 17 years. After marrying my first time (he was divorced) I became a born again believer. My husband was eventually saved but turned away from God. He was abusive. We had a terrible marriage, but I continued to seek after the Lord and His guidance for my (our) life. We had two children, who are now (girl) 20 and (Boy) 17. I believed God told me it was time to leave him, after abuse began on my daughter. (After many, many, times of God telling me to forgive, etc.....) I have grown so much spiritually through my bad marriage. I filed for divorce. After our divorce I found out that there was indeed infidelity. This was something I suspected, but just trusted my husband when he denied, but mainly just sought after God.......for everything.

Over a year after my divorce, I met a Godly man. I believed God told me to marry him and move 200 miles away. (My son was 15) Even though it looked as if I was leaving my children, I trusted God on this! I had been praying for God to take me to the "next level". Both of my children ended up moving where we live. I was so THANKFUL! I knew God had finally blessed my obedience. My desire is to have a godly home and family.

Things didn't work out so well. After a year, My husband ended up telling my son (then 16) to leave. He now lives with his grandmother and his father. (when his father is there) My daughter left also. It is such a mess trying to blend two families. Especially when there was so much disfunction in my first marriage. Which, my children developed also. My husband never accepted them. I was so surprised how unloving and unforgiving he was. I understand that he has to keep control of our home. He has admitted that he acted in anger and didn't show them love. (He has issues with that) Another story....

Now, It has been 8 mnonths. I have stayed with my husband. (Both he and his ex-wife are Christians) I know he has quilt of divorcing. And I have actually asked my husband if he felt that they should re-marry. He said no. We have only been married 2 years, they were married 24 years. We just got back from a destination wedding for their son's wedding (I met his ex-wife for the first time) I like her. The emotions were so strong. Sad......I felt like I should not be in the picture.

I have fasted, prayed and sought God after this. I am so miserable. I love my husband very much. I want to be in my son's life. He has two years left of High School. I want to know what is happening in his life. I don't want to go to my son's wedding and then ask, "So, What is your new wife like"? I believe I have an obligation to my son.

I drive back and forth to see my kids pretty much every other weekend. My job allows me to stay longer at times. I also miss my daughter, 20; but I realize that she is an adult. I am not responsible for her. My main concern now, is for my son.

After fasting and praying I have been led to Scriptures on divorce. I wonder if we never should have gotten remarried. I want God's blessing on myself and my family. Should I divorce and remain single?

This is bothering me so much I have considered taking antidepressants to cope. That is not like me at all. Rather than taking meds to cope, I just want it to be fixed! I do not want to have regrets on my job as a mother. Nor, regrets on letting a godly man out of my life!

At first, I thought the devil was just trying to attack. I also believe that my children have inherited two family curses because of their father, now a step-father. Now, after reading so many scriptures on divorce, I am wondering if we are actually doing God's will. I will be discussing this with my husband. I would like your views, suggestions, etc. I have read all scriptures I could find on divorce and remarriage. That is what led me to your site.....Just needing peace, wanting God's Will and to be Blessed!

Lisa said...

I believe from what I have read of the Bible that divorce and remarriage are both wrong. Of course I have a wonderful marriage at this point, so this might easily sway me, and I may not be reading too deeply into this, or studying like I should.
Two of my sisters, who I am Very close to, have gotten divorced. Recently one of them got remarried, but as they both have children from previous marriages, there are a few little problems. In general they seem very happy. I started really wondering what the truth is here. I read the story of Esther and see that God raised her up for "such a time as this" to save her kingdom, and obviously blessed her marriage to a divorced man. When I asked my Pr's wife about this she said "well the Bible never says they had physical relations". That seems a silly thing to say, because she married him. Anyone have thoughts on this whole subject? I have read in Matthew where it seems to clearly say not to get divorced or remarried... As I believe the Holy Bible is 100% inspired by God, I feel I need a little help with this subject. Thanks!

PAT said...

all remarriages while your spouse is alive is living in adultery..period..there are grounds for divorce , yes..God detest divorce..but remarriage is clearly taught that while a spouse is alive it is living in adultery and we must flee from the sin. reconcilaition is a ministry we are all called to do. christian or not Gods word is for all people and instyruction to repent from sin and live according to his word.marriage is and always has been a lifelong covenant.if one breaks that covenant the other can choose to honor his covenant with the lord. if the innocent[never fully that way] remarries reconciliation has been taken off the table.Jesus never taught that..he said forgive 7x70..to trust him. he said go and sin no more.should the innocent run off and live in sin to..who do we serve ourselves or the lord? we are teaching our children divorce happens all the time..remarriages and step brothers etc..are a way of life..i find no step nothing in his word..it was and still is a heart issue with mankind.we want what we want..did the prodigal sons father offer forgiveness and reconciliation..yes..did the woman caught in adultrey was she offered grace and mercy but told to go and sin no more! we need to follow that example.since when does a secular court have the authority to put asunder Gods union of 2 becoming 1.we are following mans laws.wrong.the church due to hardness of our hearts has allowed justr as moses did divorce..but we should teach ok if you divorce heres the word..reconcile or remain single..strange we dont discuss the root of the sin which caused the divorce[satan]..we can do all things trhu christ..what better way to love than to foirgive and then work with each other to restore..show me 1 biblical verse allowing remarriage to a divorced person in the new testament..or are we going to go back to biblical times and have many wives and concubines? the pill was introduced 50 years ago along with no fault divorce..satans deceptions..we are in the end of the ages with selfishness and lawlessness..whos laws are being broken..the 10 commandments of the Lord..we shall no covet..we shall not lie.we shall not commmit adultery..we shall not bear false witness[the guilty normally blames the other party].do not be deceived and thise who have ears listen!

PAT said...

once again this topic of divorce rears its head among belivers with different interpretation.jesus said divorce is not Gods plan..in fact God detest divorce.in pauls writings he says if divorced remain single or reconcile.paul and jesus both say if remarried to someone other than there spouse it is adultery.living in adultery.how clearer can that be.a 2nd marriage is adultery. no excuses. divorce is detested but can be forgiven and reconciliation is the lords plan.show me any verse that says anyone can remarry if the first spouse is alive.any second marriage must be repented of[flee,change of mind and direction].no adulter will enter the kingdom of heaven..define christian marriage..one man for one woman for life..not at a time.we wonder why why marriage is under attack especailly with gays.the body of christ refuses to apply his word coreectly in marriage! a covenat was made in the first marriage..death is the only way for that mariage to end..believer or not. Gods word still aplies to us all! his grace does not allow belivers to live in sin. can a beiever live a a prostitute.a murderer,a drug head, a homosexual wwithout repentance? apply the same to the definition of adulterer..may the lord lead those who have ears

Jessica said...

The blood of Jesus Christ has set people free from the law of sin and death, those that are forgiven have nothing hanging over their head including adultery and all acts of unrighteousness. In Matthew the Lord wasn't condoning divorce but said unfaithfulness was the only cause for a new marriage. If you understand that time in Matthew it is evident the Lord had not been crucified so the law of Moses was in effect. In the case of the law an adulterer would be stoned to death and the "innocent" party would then be free of the covenant of marriage because their spouse would be killed and they would be free to marry. There wasn't life after adultery or fornication under the law of Moses, for anyone an adulterer would be killed. Jesus was simply reinforcing the plan God intended for man, that he would be joined to his wife and not be free from the covenant except by death.

To understand Jesus further think of the practice occurring within the Jewish community under the law of Moses. Divorce was a common thing among the people of Israel and they would put their wives away for anything they considered unclean about her and marry someone else after giving their first wife a certificate of divorce. It was common for a man and a woman to have been married several times at this point in history. Which is why Jesus said "except for marital unfaithfulness..." He was not in support of divorce but of unity and commitment to the marriage under any circumstance except death. You see God put Israel away for unfaithfulness but he did not kill her because of the promise he made to Abraham. Instead he sent his Son to die in order that Jews and Gentiles can be reconciled to him.

Think of David, he was able to keep Bathsheba and they both were allowed to live because of God's mercy and forgiveness, thank be to God for his Grace and Mercy! However, blood was still required to atone for their sin which is why their first child died. After this they were allowed to remain married and God stop referring to Bathsheba as "Uriah's wife" and blessed Solomon.


In the new covenant Christians have the forgiveness of sins because of the blood of Christ Jesus, and once we repent and ask for forgiveness it is written God is faithful and just to forgive. There is no place in the bible adding stipulations for the forgiven as they go about the rest of their lives. Even Jesus said to the woman caught in the act of adultery "go and sin no more..." but nowhere will you find he made it unlawful for her to remain married (if she was) or to remarry if her spouse chose to divorce her.

However, in the book of 1 Corinthians the "unmarried" are mentioned and if you realize who he was talking to you will understand in the 6th chapter verses 9-11 he identifies who he is speaking to: "9 Or do you not know that wrongdoers will not inherit the kingdom of God? Do not be deceived: Neither the sexually immoral nor idolaters nor adulterers nor men who have sex with men[a] 10 nor thieves nor the greedy nor drunkards nor slanderers nor swindlers will inherit the kingdom of God. 11 And that is what some of you were. But you were washed, you were sanctified, you were justified in the name of the Lord Jesus Christ and by the Spirit of our God."

Amen.

Be careful of instructing those God has made clean in ways not made known in the scriptures. The measure you use against other shall be applied to you. We are to study and show ourselves approved and not fall into doctrines of demons for in latter times there will be some forbidding marriage. However it is written in 1 Corinthians 7:8-9,
8 Now to the unmarried[a] and the widows I say: It is good for them to stay unmarried, as I do. 9 But if they cannot control themselves, they should marry, for it is better to marry than to burn with passion.

People need to understand forgiveness and stop forbidding saved people from marrying and stop creating steps of sanctification that aren't found in God's word.

Khahliso said...

This is trully sad. I am a young woman unmarried and hoping to be wed soon. I am a Christian and want to be married to a Chrstian. It breaks my heart to realise that marriage is so hard and can leave men and women of God in such terrible situations. in the end I think I end up thinking if its at all worth it. Marriage is from God but people have perveted it. Why do people marry if its not what they really want for life? I am still young I still need guidence.

Anonymous said...

I am currently in my second marriage which is in the process of legal separation due to verbal and emotional abuse by my husband. When we got married he said he believed in God but after getting married I found out he believed in a "higher power" and not God or Jesus. My first marriage ended due to my first husbands drug abuse. My first husband has come to Christ in the last 8 years that I have been with my second husband. I am wondering since I am already in the process of leaving my second marriage, would I be free to remarry my first husband if that should ever come about or am I to remain single until both husbands are passed away? I keep finding conflicting answers. Thank you.

PS: I have always believed in God and Christ but fell away from my faith until 2 years ago when I became strong in my faith and that is when I married my second husband. We had been living in sin for nearly 6 years at that point. I thought I had to marry him since we were living together and I could not afford to support myself and 5 kids on my own.

KNT said...

My husband and I are both Christians. I am his second wife. His first wife, who was also a Christian, divorced him (not for adultery) and married another man. My husband tried to reconcile with her up until the point she had a child with her new husband. Once it was confirmed that she was unfaithful to their marriage, he "put her away" and no longer attempted reconcilitation. Before we got married, we studied the scriptures and talked to elders of our church and came to the conclusion that divorce because of marital unfaithfulness allowed for remarriage. Reading your passage makes me a little confused on the issue. Were we not authorized biblically to marry? If not, what could we do now about it?

Anonymous said...

I would appreciate an answer to this one. I'm kinda in the same boat. Thanks

Aaron Donelson said...

Christian or not don't ok you to divorce your first wife...
Your second wife wasn't your in the first place according to scriptures... ... I have research them over and over...... Maybe you can read them ... I read the scriptures regarding marriage and divorce and these are them....... Matthew 5:31-32 Matthew 19:7-9 Mark 10:2-12 and Luke 16:18..... understand that it said except for fornication... so i looked up the meaning fornication is two unmarried people having sex.... i see that don't have nothing to do with adultery or married people it people before they get married... Because you suppose to be a virgin. Then I see it said except for sexual immortality.... that mean homosexual any kind of sexual act that outside a marriage.... sexual immortality don't mean adultery... Those are the only two things it say except for in the scriptures regarding marriage...... So I been looking for anything that the scriptures say it ok to remarry..... Only thing I can see if a man who marries a divorced woman commits adultery or a woman marries a divorced man commits adultery. Many people have got another divorce because of that reason.... they want to do the will of our Heavenly Father according to the scriptures say they living in sin because they married a person who been divorce.

Aaron Donelson said...

Christian or not don't allow you to divorce your first wife.... second wife wasn't your in the first place according to scriptures.

Aaron Donelson said...

You are giving people very bad advice about scripture regarding remarriage.... scripture never said its ok to divorce someone according to their beliefs. Once you made that choice believer or not you are married.

Aaron Donelson said...

Don't be mislead it not ok to marry a divorce woman under no circumstances. Read Luke 16:18 very clear... only if husband is no longer living

Aaron Donelson said...

Read Matthew 5:31-32 Matthew 19:7-9 Mark 10:2-12 and Luke 16:18 very clear about marriage. Make sure you understand what fornication mean and sexual immortality they don't mean adultery

Aaron Donelson said...

Read Matthew 5:31-32 Matthew 19:7-9 Mark 10:2-12 and Luke 16:18 very clear about marriage and divorce. The first marriage was only the real marriage ..... if anyone marry a divorce person and they spouse is still living they are committing adultery.

Aaron Donelson said...

Pastor David what part of the scriptures regarding marriage you don't understand..... Because Luke 16:18 very clear about marriage and divorce .... The word say if man or woman marries a divorced individual commits adultery ..... That man remarried after a divorce and you telling him to stay living in sin WOW! He need to leave that sinful marriage.

Aaron Donelson said...

Think of your marriage as your marriage to Christ.... All the sins you committed against our Heavenly Father before found God.... Didn't He loved you first despite your sin.... Remember when someone sin it against our Heavenly Father first then it effects others around you.... we as people look may look at sin differently but our Heavenly Father look at them as sin.... If our Heavenly Father made us in His image understand He know long suffering more then we can understand...... Marriage is for life read Matthew 5:31-32 Matthew 19:7-9 Mark 10:2-12 and Luke 16:18 very clear about marriage and divorce. If you married a divorce person don't matter way they are divorce you committing adultery.... except for fornication.... fornication is two unmarried people having sex.... this is meant for people was not married yet that should have been a virgin.... except for sexual immortality that mean homosexual any kind of sexual act that outside a marriage.... not adultery ok

Aaron Donelson said...

If you are really serious understand when Christ made it very clear..... Read Matthew 5:31-32 Matthew 19:7-9 Mark 10:2-12 and Luke 16:18 very clear about marriage and divorce... If you looking for way to use scripture to change what Jesus said you are on the wrong path... it say very clear anyone marry someone who been divorce you committing adultery.... it say except for fornication.... fornication is two unmarried people having sex..... it say except for sexual immortality that mean homosexual any kind of sexual act that outside a marriage.... don't mean adultery..... God is not the author of confusion... why will God bless a marriage that going against His word.

Aaron Donelson said...

Thank you Pat!!!! For speaking the truth it say the this pastor David misleading people on here about remarriage and divorce.... Pastor David was truth with lies.... I can't believe how clear Matthew 5:31-32 Matthew 19:7-9 Mark 10:2-12 and Luke 16:18 talk about remarrying be adultery if your spouse is still living.

Aaron Donelson said...

Stop twisting the word of our Heavenly Father..... if you are sinning you must stop....right. if you are living in adultery marriage you must end it to stop sinning right..... what did Christ say read Matthew 5:31-32 Matthew 19:7-9 Mark 10:2-12 and Luke 16:18 very clear about marriage and divorce. You must be married to someone who been divorce or just confused.... Yes you are confused because the ten commandments never was nail to the cross.... I know Paul made that statement be he the only one.... the disciples never said that in they walk with Christ.... plus Christ said I didn't come to destroy law of Moses or the prophets but to fulfill that mean to do..... Do your research on Apostle Paul

Aaron Donelson said...

Simple your first marriage was only the real marriage..... second marriage is adultery marriages..... if you wasn't married but in a relationship with him it still committing adultery.... any time you with someone other then your husband. Read Matthew 5:31-32 Matthew 19:7-9 Mark 10:2-12 and Luke 16:18 very clear about marriage and divorce.

Aaron Donelson said...

Hurtful situation that man going through. Understand the scriptures never said that it ok to divorce someone because adultery in a marriage.... read King James version.... Matthew 5:31-32 Matthew 19:7-9 Mark 10:2-12 and Luke 16:18 very clear about marriage and divorce. If this you first husband you ever married you are free to marry because this was never your husband in the first place because he was married. I know his wife left him for another man but let our Heavenly Father take care of that ..... you living in adultery marriage now all of you guys sinning against our Heavenly Father.... See how the Satan work have you guys look at them but you guys also living in sin because of your lack of knowledge regarding marriage. Yes some people going to tell what there opinion but the scriptures are facts. Hard choice to make don't turn your back on the truth.

Aaron Donelson said...

Never marry someone who been divorce and spouse still alive.... It call adultery and you continued in that sin until you guys separate.... yes you can repent but it must come to a end... Read Matthew 5:31-32 Matthew 19:7-9 Mark 10:2-12 and Luke 16:18 very clear about marriage and divorce. It say except for fornication mean two unmarried people having sex look it up and sexual immortality that talking about homosexual any kind of sexual act that outside a marriage but it not adultery